Live from the Seneca Lodge Bar

Cry me a river...

2008-05-03T20:39:00.001-07:00

okay, I'm writing this in the heat of the moment but I have to voice some disgust.

Wah, wah, wah Junior nation.

The whole postrace thing tonight made me laugh.

First of all, it was one of those racing deals.

Mind you, I have NEVER been on the Kyle Busch bandwagon. Infact, I tend to think the guys a jackass but I don't blame him for that wreck. Happens ALL the time at Richmond and that's why we all love going there. The drivers love it and we love it. It sure as hell beats all the cookie cutter snooze fests we normally have to tolerate.

So the next thing I see on the screen is some big meathead from Jr's pitcrew in Busch's face.

What the heck was he doing? I could beat up Shrub easily myself so they send over a guy whose about 6'5" to give him shit?

That's brave.

Then they interview Junior.

I'm sorry but I have no sypathy for poor, sad, multi-millionaires.

When was the last time Ken Schrader won? Or Bobby Labonte? Or Paul Menard? Or Scott Riggs?

Give me a freaking break.

There are guys out there who haven't had a win in a longer time than Junior.

Here's something to think about...maybe it's NOT the equipment after all!

Now before you start thinking I hate Junior; you're wrong. I don't.

There are drivers on the track tonight who aren't even sure they'll have a ride in a few months...his little "no win" streak isn't THAT freakin bad.

He's still selling tons of merch, fans are still stalking him and he's making millions.

Win or no win, life for him is not even CLOSE to that bad.

Boo, hoo, hoo.

Maybe Kleenex should sponsor him.

Bring on the Michelin Man!

2008-03-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Even if you don't like Tony Stewart or, like me, don't necessarily agree with what comes out of his yap-yap mouth sometimes; you have to admit that he's always good for stirring up talk and controversy! (hence why he doesn't drive for Roush, he actually HAS a personality)

Post-race yesterday Tony took on those nasty "Good"year tires and the people who make 'em.

“That was the most pathetic excuse for a racing tire I’ve ever been on in my professional career!”

“They exited out of Formula One, they exited out of the IRL, they exited out of the World of Outlaws, and there’s a reason for that and it’s that Goodyear can’t build a tire worth a darn. (although I could've sworn he said damn)

If I were Goodyear, I would be really embarrassed about this weekend and what they brought us. How we got to second, I don’t know."
“If they can’t do any better than that, they ought to exit the sport and save us a lot of headaches. I guarantee you Hoosier, Firestone or somebody else could come in a do a much better job right now.”

I could never understand why NASCAR needs to be exclusive to one tire manufacturer anyway. Teams should be able to use the tire they like, as long as they're within NASCAR's guidelines. Who cares what manufacturer's name is on it??

Must have something do with money filling Brian's pockets....what does he care if he doesn't have to be behind the wheel?

Viva...las cheaters

2008-03-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

Step away from the belt sir...

Okay....here's the deal.

I like Carl Edwards.

Sometimes, his "oh I'm just happy to be here" demeanor gets a little old but it doesn't strike me as fake. (ala Eskwatch Sadler)

And let's face facts, the guy is ripped and it's nice to have some athletic eye candy out there.

Those issues aside,...I still don't think NASCAR is stepping up as much as they could as far as race winners failing post-race inspection.

They're not consistant. Fair,...yeah, they're getting there but it seems as if they consider who the driver and the team is before dolling out their fines, suspensions, blah, blah, blah.

To me, if you fail post-race inspection..you don't win.

Take away the "trophy", take away the stat. To me, Carl has only won one race this year so far. But what do his stats say? Does it say two? If it does, it shouldn't.

I'm just glad they FINALLY took the 10 bonus points away.

On to another subject. Are there seriously that many Robby Gordon fans?!

People actually signed a petition for that idiot?

Wait,...ya know, I'll bet you anything they offered free bottles of Beam to get folks to do it.

Me and my co-hort met some dudes pimping his sponsors product two years ago and, I'll admit...they have cool gear. But everytime I wear the freebie t-shirt I got people ask me "Do you really like RObby Gordon?!?!" AHHHhhhh...I have to take a brillo-pad to his name. It's getting freakin embarrassing!

Nice guys and non-Hendrick cars CAN finish first!

2008-02-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

After last years Daytona debacle, it's feels SO good to start the season on a high note.

Personally, I set my DVR to pause so I could fast forward through all the pre-race festivities.

I'm sorry, I just don't enjoy the onslaught of usually talentless hacks.

Although it's nice to see that NASCAR is finally catching on to what performers the fans want to see. (but Chubby Checker???)

Back to the race; in my opinion it was one of the most exciting I've seen in a LONG time. It was great to see it not turn into the usual 3-wide racing parking lot game of follow-the-leader.

You just can't drive those COT's like that.

And is it me or does Montoya seem to spin out at LEAST one car a race?

I'm just not a fan of that fuzzy little foreigner.

And the finish..wow. We couldn't be happier!!

We here at The Lodge LOVE Ryan Newman.
Why?
He's a nice guy, he's smart, he loves animals and anyone who can tolerate that lunk-head Keebler as a teamate HAS to be a saint!
But our hats are off to Keebler today because if it weren't for him, Ryan wouldn't have crossed the finish line first.
So...for once we say (gulp); nice job Kurt..and thanks.

Pic of the Weekend

2008-02-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

Obviously Bootie isn't a person you want to interrupt when he's talking shop with the 2-time champ.

Doesn't he just have that "What the fuck do you want?!?!?" kind of snarl on his face?

(and the season hasn't even STARTED yet)

Feel free to leave your caption ideas in the comments field. I'll approve the good ones!

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2008-02-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

Thank God for DVR!

I had to work last night; while surfing the internet this morning I read the blurb about Tony and "Keebler" getting into it on the track last night. During PRACTICE of all things.

Needless to say I RAN to my TV and fast-forwarded through all the things I recorded off Speed Channel last night.

SWEET! I got it all on tape.

The NASCAR I've known and enjoyed (and missed) seems to be back.

Hopefully Brian "Vanilla Idiot" France will live up to his words and let the old-school style previal.

Granted, Keebler took a few liberties.

I'll say this though, Tony screwed up.

Maybe he got loose. Maybe he mis-judged the amount of room he had or when he should've let off...who can say. New car but a VERY experienced driver behind the wheel.

Still; that wreck was his fault.

BUT...Keebler...DAMN!

I couldn't believe what I was seeing!

And as wrong as it was, I enjoyed every second of it.

That's what I'd pay money to see.

I don't want to see guys get hurt.

I don't want to see fans get hurt.

But I admit it; I'm torn on this whole "use your car as a weapon" deal.

As much as it made me cringe...it equally entertained me.

And NASCAR is entertainment after all.

If this is a preview of what the season will be like...I'll be posting alot more than I did last year!

But no caution flag

2007-02-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

I've been looking for a picture that explains my frustration regarding the finish of Sunday's race and I FINALLY found one.

Seriously, I've been so angry that I couldn't even compose myself long enough to post on this blog about it. The more I wrote, the more pissed off I got.

So here it is...the PERFECT picture.

EXPLAIN TO ME NOW...WHY WAS THERE NO CAUTION FLAG?????

"LET'S GO RACIN' BOYS!!!!"

2007-02-18T06:14:00.000-08:00

I tell you what...I am VERY excited for the "big race".
But as the 2007 season starts, I admit that there are things that I love and thing that I HATE about the Daytona 500.
Love - That NASCAR is back
Hate - The celebrities who show up once every year and act like they've loved NASCAR or have followed racing their whole lives
Love - The tradition of the biggest race being the first race. (although I'm starting to feel like the race at Indy is JUST as big to the drivers)
Hate - All the BS pageantry. What's next; a swimsuit competition?? (although I wouldn't mind seeing Carl Edwards in his....)
Love - The lake where the rich and famous take their sponsored boats out for a ride
Hate - Speed Channel's NASCAR Race Day. 3 freakin hours of listening to Kenny Wallace and Jimmy Spencer. It's funny how never-have been's know SO much about racing yet they can't even make the field. Can we get some REAL experts who aren't as annoying?????
Love - The "cheating" issue; maybe it's me but this sport has been so watered down by Brian France...it's really nice to see something interesting going on.
Hate - The Dale Jr Show. Even if this dude is 10 laps down they'll still follow his car for 10-15 minutes. I don't give a shit where he's running. How about the others who are fighting for a top 10??
Love - The new Nextel commercial where Elliott Sadler approaches Jimmie Johnson to tell him about his driving and Jimmie phones in his Cup trophy. Now THAT is classic!!
Hate - The fact that they'll probably show that Jr Direct TV Hotpass commercial at least 50 times today.
Love - The way that ESPN is treating the Busch series AND NASCAR in general
Hate - That they didn't cut from commercials to show the wreck live
Love - The invocation. Something about it makes me warm and fuzzy
Hate - The anthem and wondering whose going to butcher it this year?

Love - That for two hours after every Cup race you can tune in to Sirius NASCAR Radio Channel 128 and hear the BEST show called "Post race with Packman". If you want to hear a show with brains and a TON of humor, check it out!

Hate - The fact that I DON'T have Sirius Satellite radio.

Enjoy the show!!

(BTW, my prediction is a past winner is going to win again today....)

Tony Stewart starts the fun early!

2007-02-11T11:43:00.000-08:00

Welcome back NASCAR!

We're going to try and be better about posting after every weekend. (last year we seemed to lose some gas after the long and entertaining weekend at Watkins Glen)

ANYWAY, Tony got the weekend off with a bang. Not only ON the track but off with his usual comments that are to the point of hilarity!

The most obvious is that he won the Bud Shootout with a really nice and enjoyable bump and run on the well documented and hated Shrub. (hated on this blog, I can't speak for everyone!)

But the best, and my co-writer will definitely agree, is when the folks at Speed Channel approached him during a delay in practice probably knowing that they would get a good quote out of him.

Tony didn't disappoint:

"..if their excuse is that they didn't know for sure if it was on the race track or not, maybe they aughta find more people to put around the race track since Brian France is making billions of dollars maybe he can afford to pay somebody to put around the outside of the race track and watch and make sure we've got stuff out there because they basically screwed us out of an hour and a half of practice already!"

PRICELESS!

Tony also bitched after the Shoot Out about the new Goodyear Tires. My question is how much longer is NASCAR going to wait to bring in a competitor as a supplier of tires??? Maybe it's me but even I know as a buyer that competition between vendors is GOOD BUSINESS!

Oh, and the usual shit job by FOX on coverage last night. Once again, it was the Dale Jr show but why did they feel the need to talk when they could've been showing the folks at home the driver introductions?? Do I really need more of DW? Ummmm...NO!

R.I.P Bobby Hamilton

2007-01-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

I went online tonight to see if there was any update on Benny Parsons and saw the story of Bobby's death.
Needless to say, I was SHOCKED!
I admit that I was never a huge Bobby fan, I probably mocked him somewhat unkindly but with not real venom although I do admit to calling his son Pugsly.
And while I write this I gag at the fact that semi-celebs on a reality TV show bitch about the condition of their lame yet free living quarters. These assholes should come to Watkins Glen some time and see the places we've stayed in.
Anyway, my thoughts and hearts go out to Bobby's family, friends and fans.

To lighten the load a bit, here's a typical hilarious Tony Stewart quote from a recent interview on Sirius Radio:

What is your most memorable moment in a car?
It was after prom in my girlfriend’s Malibu, but that’s all the details you get.

You think Jeff is already out buying it a go-kart?

2006-12-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Great news!!

NASCAR's next generation is on its way, estimated arrival in July.

Four-time NASCAR champion Jeff Gordon said on Wednesday that he and new wife, Ingrid Vandebosch, are expecting their first child. It will be the first child for both.

"Christmas came early for us this year," Gordon said in a statement. "This is a very special gift for us - one that we're both looking forward to. Ingrid and I can't wait to be parents.
"We've known for a little while, but we couldn't wait any longer to share the good news with our friends and fans."

Gordon announced his engagement to the Belgian model on June 24 at Infineon Raceway, then won the race there the next day. The two were married in a private ceremony on Nov. 7 in Mexico.

The 35-year-old Gordon, NASCAR's most marketable driver, and Vandebosch have been together since 2004. They appeared in the movie "Taxi," in which the 37-year-old model played a bank robber and Gordon made an uncredited cameo appearance.

Jeff will make a great Dad and now he'll have someone shorter than him in the family! lol

Congrats to them both!

THANK GOD FOR JAY MOHR!

2006-12-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to write anything about the NASCAR Nextel Cup Awards banquet until I read this article and got REALLY pissed off.
http://www.nascar.com/2006/news/opinion/12/03/rsmithson.new.york.sunday/index.html

Are you people SERIOUS?!?!?
Jay Mohr was insulting. Yes. And guess what genuises? It's called ROASTING.
Did you notice the drivers and NASCAR big-wigs were LAUGHING??
Why, because when you put someone on a pedestle for 9 months, you've got to laugh at yourself and how ridiculous it all is.
You would've thought he was picking on the pope.
I can't believe people could be so ignorant and ridiculous.
Oh wait....they could be Kurt Busch fans.

Have you ever heard of Dean Martin? The Frairs Club?
Good Grief!
Sarcasm is the epitome of whit and intellect. (You better go look up those big words in a dictionary)

In my opinion, Jay Mohr was the ONLY interesting thing in that whole broadcast.
The rest was white-washed, political BS and PR ass kissing.
I can't even stand to watch a speech.
The best speech in the last five years was Will Farrell pretending to be Jeff Gordon last year and even THAT ticked off some fans, who obviously have nothing else to do but bitch about the fact that Jeff wasn't there. Unlike them Jeff actually HAS a life.

And excuse me...how does Jewel get a gig playing the banquet?
She's AWFUL. NASCAR isn't a folk-music sport.
How about a country act or some rock music. But JEWEL?
Obviously she gave Dale Jr a good 'nob to seal the deal.
And I thought Sheryl Crow being on there was brutal!

Well, by the look on the NASCAR clock there's 76 days, 1 hour and 19 minutes until Daytona.
Maybe some of those whinners on the NASCAR message board will have time to get a brain transplant between now and then.

Happy Holidays folks!
Oh fuck that PC crap, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Old School NASCAR

2006-10-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

After a LONG absence, we here at The Lodge are back!
What can I say, there hasn't been much to talk about lately. The racing has been BORING.
But today,...WOW.
Who would've thought that in this day and age in the homogenized version of the sport we all love that has been ruled and regulated to DEATH we'd actually have an exciting, old-school race ending.
I LOVED it.
Boo-hoo Junior fans. Here's a red #8 hankey for your tears.
Your boy tried to block his way to a victory but when you have two cars working together behind your ass...I don't care WHO you are, you're gunna lose.
Or wreck.
And let's face it, team mates are nice but if you have a chance to get your first win against a team mate who's not even going to BE your team mate next year....you HAVE to go for it.
If it was a middle finger in the face of Rick Hendrick...so be it.
Don't get me wrong...I don't think Brian Vickers has lived up to his potential; I completely understand why he won't be in that ride next year but I also think that Rick and company have treated him like shit. I hate it that his first Cup win will be deemed controversial.
CONTROVERSIAL!?!?!
How about EXCITING?!?!
How many watered down, over officialized races can you stand???
I can't stomach the vanilla-bean racing that Brian France Jr has forced us to watch every Sunday. It's boring bullshit. Way too PC for a sport that was started by competitive bootleggers.

Way to go #25 team!
Somewhere up there, the drivers from the past are smiling and toasting you with moonshine!

1 day!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

This will be the last blog entry prior to race weekend and,..what can I tell ya. We’ve been semi-giddy since day 10. Maybe longer.
Now reality is really kicking in. It’s here! And we’re excited!

I know a lot of people typically don’t go to the track until Sunday morning but wow; you’re really missing the whole experience when you do that.
Any fan will tell you that you have to go for the entire event. That includes qualifying and practice. Why? Because you need to be out and among the people. It’s not just about the race itself; it’s all about the sights, sounds, smells and general socialization.

Granted, we don’t camp. Personally…it’s just not something I enjoy. I don’t need to stay at the Tajmahal but I’m not a fan of sleeping on the ground, using a community shower or a bathroom the size of a phone booth. (although I have used one that size the last two years!)

Tomorrow will consist of what we call the pace lap; hitting some wineries on the way down, checking into our new sleeping and showering quarters; of which I’m SURE we’ll have some stories to tell about when we get back, and a trip into the “office”. (see post below)

We also have a satellite “office” at Bleachers Sports Bar & Grill. It’s become our second home mostly because of the personalities of the workers AND because it’s where my cohort can get her yearly order of Buffalo Chicken Wings. You can’t get that good shit down in Chattanooga, TN.

If you ever visit Watkins Glen make sure you stop and order a chicken sandwich at Mr. Chicken. We even caught Mike Helton and John Darby there last year so it obviously comes highly recommended by the NASCAR brass.

So that’s it for now! We can’t wait to get there and get our first whiff of the track and hear the roar of the revving engines.

If we’re not back by Monday night, send out a search party!

2 days...

2006-08-08T05:36:00.000-07:00

It's a very exciting time for us right now.
Both myself and my co-hort down in Tennessee have a bad case of VB (vacation brain) or, better yet, RWB (race weekend brain). It's been hard to concentrate on work. Our brains are already down in Watkins Glen, they're just waiting for our bodies to show up!

Speaking of which, in this post I pay tribute to our home office. Without it the weekend would not NEARLY be as enjoyable.

When: The Glen race weekends 2001-
Where: The Seneca Lodge

I first discovered our home-away-from-home back in 2001. A insider media guide said that the Lodge was the place where teams and anyone who knew anything about racing met up for beers and laughs. Sounded good to me. So off we went...up the mountain, hard right and there it was.

Rustic would fit the area around the race track and there is no better example of rustic than the Lodge. It's like walking into the cottage your grandparents owned at a small lake right down to the screen door.

After walking through the dining hall and around the salad bar you're greated by the sounds of a good old American pub. Complete with a mish-mosh of racing banners, what seems like thousands of arrows in the wall and instead of the moosehead, a huge bee hive hanging from the ceiling.

The Lodge is all about family. Family owned, family run and it seems as if everyone knows everyone. Not only are there race fans in the crowd but teams, locals and folks who look like they haven't left the place since last hunting season.

The Lodge is run by the Brubaker family and we're especially close with their son Sam.
Sam is the opitomy of bartenders. A good looking kid who knows how to pour a drink, when to give one on-the-house and, his best quality, he knows how to throw a good verbal zinger. There's nothing we like more than a little (or alot) of verbal volleyball. And also be ready to go home with a wallet full of two dollar bills and dollar coins. Some people think that change is odd but I think it's all about what gives this place it's charm and originality.

So we'll be there to punch the clock Thursday night.
Let's just hope they haven't graduated to a life-sized stand-up of Boris in the bar. We'll see enough of that squirrel all weekend!

3 days...

2006-08-07T03:04:00.000-07:00

Is it fate or just God having a sense of humor that makes people who you don't want to see become a piece of gum on your shoe?

When: August 2004 AND 2005
Where: Watkins Glen raceway NASCAR Nextel Cup Garage

My friend seems to attract the people she loathes. They hover around her like a piece of meat to the point of hilarity.

In 2004 Boris Said seemed to be her shadow. Any where we turned there was that stick figure with the white-boy afro on top. And those teeth. Yikes!

Okay, I have to evade this subject for a bit and talk about NASCAR teeth. What is it with multi-millionaires having such bad bits? Dale Jarrett looks like he supported the last series sponsor so much that his teeth are a lovely yellow tint. Matt Borland,..as much as we love him..how can he face those nasty chompers in the mirror every morning?
But Boris' seem to be the worst of the lot. Granted, he'll never win any beauty contests with or without good teeth but you would think there's a dentist in the neighborhood who would help him so he could set a good example to his son.

I digress...
In 2005 while Boris was STILL circling my buddy like a vulture she suddenly had more attention. Her beloved Kevin Harvick. Yeah, she hates him too. We both do actually. Wait, hate is too powerful an emotion. Loathe, that's more suitable.
Anyways, any where we turned..there was that freakin 29 driver. We couldn't find Jamie or Jimmie but Kevin was on us like the plague. It was like he was waiting for us to ask for an autograph. I was practically inclined to ask him "WTF do you WANT?!?!" but I was afraid of what his stupid-ass response might be.

So be careful who you evade...they MAY begin to orbit you like a planet!

4 days...

2006-08-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

The List tradition continues…..

When: August 2005
Where: Dinosaur BBQ

Before we got too drunk on Harley’s kick ass coconut rum and RC’s…we started two lists. One was people who we wanted to track down, the other were people we wanted to RUN down. Or hex actually.

Harley, by the way, is the best bartender at The Dinosaur Barbeque. The Dino is, hands down, the coolest place to hang in Rochester, NY. Great music, great food, a VERY extensively stocked bar and the best servers you’ll ever meet in western New York.

Anyway, back to the lists. Here’s what I can remember that we had written down; you’ll have to excuse my TERRIBLE memory.

The Must Meet list:

David Stremme and his crew chief Randy Cox (Randy seemed to be wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak…we didn’t spot him once)
Bootie Barker (the story about him is yet to be told)
Jamie McMurray (another phantom of the garage)
Jimmie Johnson (he must’ve been hanging/hiding w/Jamie)
Scott Riggs (he was pretty easy to track down…we just followed the gleam coming from his teeth)
Kasey Kahne (we love shy boys)
Carl Edwards (his PR person pulled him away before we could get a picture)
Tony Stewart (this was around the time my co-hort started liking him)
Tommy Baldwin (many glimpses of him and that wonderfully form-fitting Dodge uniform. ah yes,…those were the days!)
Ryan Newman (whose hair looks much thicker in person)
Jeff Gordon (just because he was so damn nice in 2004)

The Must Hex list:

Kurt Busch (for, among MANY reasons, running over Scott Riggs at Indy)
Kevin Harvick (just for being himself)
Elliott Sadler (so we could pop his ballooned head and let some of the ego ooze out)
Rusty Wallace (although my hex from 2001 seemed to be hanging on at the time)
Brat Kenseth (for being such a dick to us in 2004)
Travis Kvapil (although it wasn’t HIS fault that he took over our buddy Brendan Gaughan’s ride, we just couldn’t hex Penske and take the chance at hurting Ryan)

Unfortunately the master lists got lost or covered in booze over the weekend so they cease to exist.
We’re working on a new one this year because it seems as if our hex list gets longer and longer every year. What can I say, the garage over-runneth with assholes!

5 days...

2006-08-05T18:29:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I hated Tony Stewart with the fire of a thousand suns. When I say hate, I literally got disgusted whenever he was on TV or whenever I saw him in the garage because of how arrogant he was and that he treated everyone like crap. After the spring Talladega race in 2005, I literally ran into him and stared him down with the dirtiest look I could muster. The funny part was that his eyes got rather big and he looked surprised that I wasn't kissing the ground he walked on.

I've made my peace with Smoke and I gotta say, I love the guy. I think perhaps he was just misunderstood and didn't want to deal with the peripheral bullshit of this sport. By all accounts, he's a much nicer person now that he's living back in Indiana. But I'm keeping my "Tony Please Don't Hit Me" shirt, just in case.

The history between Smoke and I goes back to the Glen, and I have to wonder if he remembers what I did to him.

When: August 2004
Where: Nextel Cup Garage, Watkins Glen NY

We're a superstitious bunch here at the home office. Frankly I'm convinced that my co-hort has some kind of super power to hex drivers and make them wreck their cars (but that's a story for another time!). Given my aforementioned hatred of this man, I decided it was time to try and hex him myself. After we made the rounds and I wished my drivers good luck, I came across the #20 Home Depot Chevy in line for inspection. It was now or never... I laid my hands on the back deck and said, right out loud, in front of the crew (who looked totally mystified) "I CURSE YOU TONY STEWART! I CURSE YOU TO DNF!" Surely, this would cause a flat or something. As long as he was out of the top 10 I was OK with it.

The green dropped and they were off. During the race, we heard through the grapevine that Tony wasn't feeling well, and had Boris Said (who failed to qualify after following us around all weekend... yes, yet ANOTHER story) standing by to take his place should his condition deteriorate. Although I was pleased that Tony's tummy was upset, I found that every driver I said good luck to had wrecked. Every freakin' one. And Smoke was in the lead. Smoke must feed on hatred, and I had plenty to spare.

The checkers flew and wouldn't you know it, the 20 was across the line first. We were bummed because our buddy was working with Ron Fellows and the 1 team from DEI, which came in second, and it would have been a hell of a thing to see him in victory lane. But alas, it was not to be. Smoke was there... or was he?

Turns out, he decided to go back to his motorcoach before coming back to celebrate. When I saw that son of a bitch coming back on the golf cart I yelled at him "thanks a lot for ruining my weekend, asshole!" to which I just got a look like "WTF?" then he headed on down to the celebration.

I found out later that apparently my weekend wasn't totally ruined. Smoke HAD to go back to his motorcoach to change. Apparently he had an "accident" in his firesuit.

And that was the time I scared the shit out of Tony Stewart.

6 days....

2006-08-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

There is one phenomenon that always strikes me as incredibly hilarious:

When: Any track during any race weekend
Where: around the garage

The subject today my friends is Waffle Bellies.
WB’s are the folks who spend the weekend w/their noses and guts pressed against the fence surrounding the garage. The pressure of their intense fixation causes indents on their beer filled guts or whatever body part is closest to the fence; hence the nickname Waffle Belly.

WB’s can be male or female and their unfortunate children also suffer through their obsession; standing there without taking time to eat, drink, get some relief at the port-o-john’s or see the track. God forbid they give up their “spot”.

One year the people who run The Glen track had this strange idea to cover the fences that surrounded the garage with black tarps. I’m not sure what the motivation was behind that move but it didn’t stop the bellies. If anything it just helped them, now they had a shade!

The WB’s near the garage pass gate have to be the most amusing. That’s where you see the most females. Their angle; trying to talk their way past the guard or talk to anyone going in or out with a team shirt to see if there’s ANYTHING they can do to get their hands on a pass.

Race weekend 2004 our friend met us at the gate to give us our hot stickers and when they were spotted by one particular female, she spoke up and said “Hey, I'll pay you for that!"
I believe our friends response was something like "They're not for sale" or "I don't think so",
leaving said waffle broad to find another "angle".

All I wanted to do was hand her some syrup...

7 days...

2006-08-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows that when you go to a race, you're going to pay out your ass and every other orifice for a hotel room. Therefore, it isn't always reasonable to stay in the presidential suite at the five star hotel. With this in mind, we booked our deluxe accommodations...

When: August 2004 and 2005
Where: Glen Way Motel, Watkins Glen NY

The Glen Way Motel is one of the swankiest motor court motels in the greater Watkins Glen area. It's nestled behind a huge white house right off the main drag in the village, with a U shaped arrangement of approximately 15 rooms. The parking lot is small enough as it is, and with the race bringing in the big old pickup truck drivin' rednecks, it is fairly challenging to maneuver. To add to the excitement of parking, the proprietor of the establishment has added an obstacle course in the form of an orange construction cone surrounded by police tape, right in the center of the lot. The cone is supposed to demark a raised drain, but in the two years we've been staying there, the cone hasn't moved, nor has the drain been repaired.

Upon entering the house door marked "Office", we met the aforementioned proprietor of the Glen Way Motel, an ancient Asian man, whom we have nicknamed "Long Duk Dong", or "Dong" for short. Dong is actually a very friendly guy who appears to be at least 75 years old. My cohort and I have a rule... when one of us sees something that horrifies us, whether that be stupid behavior or a complete lack of judgment in fashion choices or something utterly disgusting, we point it out to the other. When we checked in last year, I noticed that Dong had a hair sticking out of his nostril. When I say hair, I may as well have said tentacle because this sucker had to be at least an inch long. Jesus Christ, don't you have a mirror? Cut that thing off! So of course, I pointed it out to my cohort. Then the comments started about whether or not he should braid it or make it into one giant dreadlock... needless to say I needed at least 4 Labbatts to get that out of my head.

When you step into the office, you feel like you've gone back in time to 1962. There isn't a piece of electronic equipment in the joint, unless you want to count the coffee maker (which, incidently, looks like it's also from 1962.) Even the telephone is a rotary dial. Speaking of the coffee, you should see this stuff. First of all, when you walk in the door of the office, this wall of burnt coffee stank smacks you right across the face. The source of the stank is this piece of crap Mr. Coffee that is so old, the carafe looks like frosted glass from all of the mineral deposits over the years. Just when you think it can't get any better, you spy a cardboard sign on the wall upon which is scrawled "Free Coffee". Now I'm a serious coffee drinker, but dude, there ain't enough Cremora in the world to make this 10W-30 appealing.

There is a flashback theme at the Glen Way, evident by the decor in the deluxe rooms! Our room was in one of the corners of the motorcourt, and we obviously had the presidential suite, because outside our door we had, count em, two plastic chairs AND a table! Once you get the door open, the room is about as big as a toll booth on the Thruway, and it smells like your great aunt's wig. The decor consists of two full beds, garage sale paintings, and some ratty shag carpet. We had two televisions... however, one didn't work and the other was mounted up on the wall, but didn't have a remote. We had one alarm clock, which became supremely unreliable because we had to unplug it to get to the outlet. Yes, we had two electrical outlets in the room. Oh that's helpful when you have two high maintenence chicks who absolutely must have their curling and flat irons!

The bathroom was at the front of the room, and you practically had to be a contortionist to get into it. The only ventilation was a flip down window that offered pretty much any passer by a good glimpse of your nekkid ass. The shower was a death trap. It was a 3 x 3 stall that looks as though it should have been encased in a wall. But in order to make sure that the parking lot was not the only exciting place at the Glen Way, Dong just left the enclosure free standing in the bathroom. God forbid you slip because the entire thing will come crashing down around you. Let us also not forget to mention the padded toilet seat cover, which is covered in yellow flowers and looks like something my grandmother had in her house when I was a kid. But there is an outlet in there, so it ain't all that bad!

I suppose we shouldn't knock the Glen Way too much. It's cheap, within stumbling distance to all of the bars on the strip in the evening, and you can stumble across the street in the morning to get some coffee at Burger King. Hell, you can even stumble to Mr. Chicken in a reasonable amount of time. We did have fun smoking Black and Mild's with our media buddies Jamie and Max from the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (well, I smoked, my cohort just laughed at me). And let us not forget, this is the place that shall forever be marked as the location where my cohort put Mr. Connection in his place.

Alas, this race weekend we're staying at another motel, mainly because Dong screwed us out of our room. But we will always remember the Dong Motel with fondness... who knows... maybe we'll be back in 2007! I bet the same freakin' pot of coffee will still be there.

8 days... Drunk in pub-LICK!"

2006-08-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

They say you shouldn't drink while on the job... that is, unless your office is at the Seneca Lodge Bar.

When: August 2005
Where: Seneca Lodge Bar

My partner in crime and I made our annual pilgrimage to the office to see the world's greatest bartender, Sam, and to see Boris Said for the 50th time.

It was the final year of Crusty the Clown's ride in the #2 Miller Lite Dodge, thus the bar was littered with several RustyWallace/Miller Lite advertisements with his ugly mug all over them. My partner in crime HATES Crusty with a passion, so much so that when he wrecked his car in Dega in 2005, I made sure I took a picture of him cussing at his crumpled up car, just for her.

Upon seeing the waste of good cardboard all over the bar, she turned each one of them away from her. Sam caught her and proceeded to turn all of them facing her, just to piss her off. She yelled at Sam to knock it off, and he said "But it's his last call!!!" She shot back "THANK GOD!" I almost snarfed my Labatt's Blue right out of my nose.

Sam must have been in a rare mood because he proceeded to use me as a science experiment and try out every drink he knew how to make on me. Never one not to be a team player, I obliged him... Irish Car Bombs a plenty! Sam and I had several liabations, much to our friends' amusement.

The rest of the evening is rather hazy... I think when we got back to the Dong Motel, I went inside and passed out on the deluxe full sized bed circa 1952. But I'm a gamer... we were up at 5:30am the next morning, at the track by 7:00am, ready to go.

My liver has been in training... BRING IT ON, SAM!

P.S. This one is for you, pahtnah!

9 Days....

2006-08-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Our next story is one that most of you with minimal patience for ignorance will enjoy.

When: August 2004
Where: Frontier Baseball Field, Rochester NY

Brendan Gaughan at the time was piloting the #77 Kodak Dodge for Penske Racing. Being that I was a contractor for said sponsor I had heard that Brendan and his team would be near headquarters performing live pit stops for all the employees. So myself and my cohort headed downtown to see the action.

There was the pit set up in the back parking lot and bleachers full of people there even before we arrived. We had made it in time to catch the end of the first “show” where Brendan smoked the tires, laid down some rubber and barreled into the pit while the boys in their pit uni’s did the voo-doo-that-they-did so well. (you can watch it all you want on TV but until you actually see a pitstop live and up close you have NO idea how quick and intense it is) Afterwards a cop on horseback pulled Brendan over and gave him a ticket for speeding in the parking lot. It was classic; rehearsed but none the less hilarious.

So after the first show broke up we stuck around for the second one. Got a good seat right down front and just people watched for the next half hour or so. Which by the way…is our FAVORITE past time.

The second show was to begin around lunch time and the field is right next door to Kodak’s corporate office so all the workers start pouring into the parking lot. By show time it was standing room only. There were even security people there keeping walk areas clear; or at least trying to. So here we were in our front row seats, so proud of ourselves for sticking around so we could get a great look at the team and, more importantly, our buddy Brendan.

Now let’s face it…most people are selfish, self-absorbed idiots. They have tunnel vision for everything else but what THEY’RE doing and not even caring HOW what they’re doing is affecting others.
I say this because people kept stopping to stand right in front of us. They just stood there when they were obviously blocking our view. They saw what they were doing but..they didn’t care. They wanted to see…screw anyone else. Security was telling most of them to move along but they were about as tough as mall cops.

So then this Dad comes down in front of us with two kids. One kid’s just kind of standing there and the other is attached to his hip. Okay, I can tolerate kids and I don’t mind if THEY come down front but by then my last inch of patience was gone. This guy was kneeling down right in front of me. RIGHT there. He saw me, I saw him and as usual, he just didn’t care. That was it, I had enough. My Yankee-ness and LEO tendencies just couldn’t take anymore.
“SIR, I CAN’T SEE THROUGH YOUR DAUGHTER!”

My partner-in-crime STILL quotes that line two years later.
What can I tell ya; If you want a good seat, get there early. Otherwise get the flock out of the way!

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS...

2006-07-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

STORIES FROM THE GLEN...

10 days and counting.
Yeah, 10. I don't count race day as the beginning of our yearly pilgrimmage to Watkins Glen. Actually, for us it usually starts Wednesday night with an all-out drink fest at a watering hole here in Rochester but for geographical purposes we'll say it starts Thursday when we GET there and head to our beloved Seneca Lodge.

So during this countdown I will reminisce,...recall moments from the past that were too funny not to share.

When: Race Weekend 2004
Where: The Dong Motel

Myself and my partner and crime have just returned from the ice cream shop across the street and are sitting in chairs outside our lovely motel room door (because there's barely a spot to sit INSIDE our room) and enjoying our cold desserts. Suddenly we overhear some semi-drunk or hung-over or a combination of the two of a 'neck going ON and ON about some person he knows.
Now people who know me know that there's one thing I hate MORE than Crusty Wallace and that's NAME droppers. Especially ones who you KNOW are full of shit. Thing is, people who KNOW people don't talk about it. It's like being a member of the mob. You don't speak a word outside the family....out of respect.

So the above mentioned jackass keeps spewing his bullshit while I'm trying to enjoy my mountainous Brownie Sundae. But my stomach is wrenching and my head is starting to throb because the idiot won't shut up.

Then comes the clincher...he says "Dale Earnhardt Enterprises"...
Say WHAT???

And before I can control myself I say "You mean Dale Earnhardt Incorporated. It's not DEE"
(or something to that nature)

I thought my friend was going to snort her ice cream up her nose.

Sorry, but when people talk shit I have to call them on it.

So long, unfrozen caveman race car driver...

2006-07-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

Way back in February, we discussed the simultaneous degradation of Elliott Sadler's attitude and personal hygeine, and how irritated and disappointed we were with him. His appearance throughout the past few months of the 2006 season has left him reminiscent of a drugged out bloated Elvis circa 1973. We can't imagine how a sponsor would want to invest millions of dollars in a guy who clearly doesn't give a damn about being a good representative! But it would seem that Robert Yates Racing and M&Ms have finally read our blog or our minds, because this weekend it was announced that E-Squatch will not be back in the M&Ms 38 Ford Fusion in 2007.

It's been no secret that things have been going to hell at RYR for at least two years. In an insightful interview with NASCAR.com this past week, Robert Yates outlines the facts as he and RYR see them, and it ain't a pretty picture. One of the best things Yates has done was fired Eddie D'Hondt for being a shitty general manager. D'Hondt ran things alright... almost right into the ground. Upon D'Hondt's departure, Yates himself took over the operation, and quickly realized that he works best behind a wrench, not a desk. Therefore, he announced this week that he would turn over the ownership duties to his son Doug Yates, and focus on the engine program.

Here's the thing about this deal that really sticks in our craw: Yates speculates that Sadler checked out when he found out how much money fellow myspace.com skank trawler Jamie McMurray was making to move from Ganassi to Roush Racing at the beginning of the 2006 season, and we here at the Seneca Lodge Bar couldn't agree more. Sadler should be ashamed at his lack of professionalism and commitment to a team that REALLY took a chance on him as an unproven driver back in 2003, who remained unproven at the end of the season with a lackluster 22nd place in points standings. Finally in 2004, Sadler got off his ass and started racing like he meant it, with a very respectable 9th place finish in points. That, friends, was the beginning of the end. In 2005, Sadler's ego swelled to epic proportions, but his performance did not follow, finishing 13th in standings. Funny... McMurray got his deal at the end of the 2005 season... COINCIDENCE? Don't get us wrong, 13th is a good finish, and a lot of guys would be happy to finish that well, but Sadler didn't seem to appreciate it nor savor it one bit. Ever since the 2006 season began, Sadler has had a rotten attitude, and an even worse display of performance. After Pocono this past weekend, he sits 20th in points, and not even close to the Chase. If I were Robert Yates, I'd be breathing a sigh of relief to get rid of this asshole.

Here's the thing, kids... losing Dale Jarrett is a big deal. Jarrett, although not really competitive at RYR in the past couple of years, is a professional, and a good representative for UPS and RYR alike. He has been with the team for many years, and contributed a whole lot to what RYR has become. Jarrett has paid his dues, and doesn't owe a thing more to that team. He is entitled to ride off into the sunset with that golden Toyota parachute.

But you, Elliott Sadler, are a PUNK. If you think because you had two decent years with one team, you can go around behaving like a pechulant child and looking like a bum, and still command a fat contract, and the respect of race teams and sponsors, you are mistaken. You are not even CLOSE to being able to think that you might one day pay your dues in this sport. You are no Dale Jarrett, and you never will be the way you're going.

Oh yeah, and another thing... if by some divine intervention you get a job with Evernham, you better be prepared. We don't care how busy Ray is with Erin Crocker, the taskmaster who built Jeff Gordon isn't going to put up with your shit, and he certainly isn't going to tolerate a poor sponsor representative. You better get your act together, or you're going to be selling cars at your dad's dealership in Emporia.

We support Robert Yates Racing, and know that they are on the right path to recovery. Screw Darrell Waltrip, he's a freakin' hack anyway.

Robby Gordon fan club quote of the year...

2006-07-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

From tonights Inside Nextel Cup show:

"I would bet that I could get pretty much all the drivers to agree with me that Robby Gordon is a moron."
"I think NASCAR should suspend him indefinitely for being an idiot"
"Sometimes I don't do the smartest things but I'm not malicious"
"He's got a bad attitude and he runs over people consistantly"
- Michael Waltrip

"You can't fix stupid"- Scott Riggs via Ron White

We here at the SLB couldn't agree more with the statements above. Personally I think the only reason ANY of the drivers talk to the "other" Gordon is because they want to be the next in line to nail his sister.

While doing research I came across something that might explain the on-track issues the "driver" of the 7 car is having.

Nahh...it's not his eyes, it's the fact that he's arrogant fool.
I just can't believe I wasted a blog post on his stupid ass!

Maybe Kleenex should be your sponsor...

2006-07-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

In my opinion the race at Chicagoland was a total SNOOZEfest until the last 10 laps.
When it gets down to the wire and teams are racing for positions and points, that's when the racing really gets exciting.
It's funny because I think Chicago is a track that drivers love. In some aspects I can understand that. There are multiple grooves, the track is really wide and it's not the usual boring 2 miler.
From this fans perspective...tons of laps of green flag racing can put you to sleep! I watched more of the World Cup final yesterday than I did of the race.
That's the new NASCAR for ya..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anyway, to the issue of the moment and thank GOD there was one or we'd have nothing to talk about today. Jeff Gordon "spinning out" Matt Kenseth.
The powers that be in the yellow truck did the right thing by not flagging Jeffy. He obviously had the better car, was being blocked and had no other way to pass that 17 thing.
Think back folks, Dale Sr did this ALL the time but he was considered intimidating...not a cheater. (okay, maybe not to EVERYbody)
So which is right?
Kenseth was going to run out of fuel anyway..which he stated himself so he wouldn't have taken the checkers. Race somebody for the lead but don't block them. I bet he wasn't happy when David Stremme pulled the same thing on him on the last lap...he got the position but ended up with a mangled race car!
And to the "classy" fans who threw beer bottles out on the track during Jeffy's victory lap. I have to wonder if you would've done the same thing if it were Junior or Tony or even Jeff Burton.
Just something to think about..although I doubt any of those fans have the intellect to take that into consideration. And they wonder why people think this sport is nothing but rednecks...

Gentlemen... START...YOUR...ENGINES!!!!

2006-07-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

Some people like the Christmas season, others Thanksgiving... here at the home office, we like RACING SEASON... and we're a mere

30 DAYS FROM TODAY

until the Watkins Glen lost weekend commences!

We're sad to report that there will be no Long Duk Dong motel this year with the luxurious 3 x 3 shower stall... hell, last year we thought we had the deluxe suite since we actually had a remote for the TV. But oh how we will miss Dong's 3 inch long nosehair and his free coffee that has the consistency, and oddly enough the smell, of 10W-30.

But let's face it... we don't go to the Glen for the accommodations... we go for three things: the wineries, also known as the Watkins Glen pace lap, the Seneca Lodge Bar with the greatest bartender known to man, Sam... and some balls out racing.

Gee, you think we're excited here?!?!? BRING IT ON, SAID HEADS!

Picture(s) of the day...

2006-07-06T06:39:00.000-07:00

Don't let their cuteness fool you...

...next time on When Animals Attack!!

"Does this crown make me look fat?"

2006-07-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I'd much rather be watching racing at Daytona from the comfort of my air conditioned living room than be there in the sweltering heat.

Some observations from the weekend:

BORING- Dale Jr totally dominates and wins a Busch plate race. What's his next move; play trivial pursuit against a bunch of 6-year-olds for cash?

INSPIRING- Seeing the drivers all lined up, standing in front of the American Flag. Too bad Dick Cheney had to come up and block our view of Scott Riggs and his mini-me of a son, Layne. (at least Dick wasn't armed)

EXCITING- The end of the 400. Let's face it, the beginning was interesting, the wrecks were few, far between and fortunately we never saw "the big one" The ending was thrilling for anyone who has been dying to see Boris and his "Said heads" bald at Watkins Glen.

INTERESTING- For once I recognized the whiney side of Jeff Gordon. You can't blame drivers who want to make the chase for racing hard to the finish kiddo. Now go see Ingrid for some sympathy. (your life isn't that rough buddy!)

FRIGHTENING- Wondering if Tony would make it out of the Daytona grandstands in one piece. I made a joke during week 1 of the season about him scaling a fence and jumping into a fan-filled mosh pit (granted, I figured it would be at Indy) but I didn't actually think he'd go through with it!
http://shareabrain.blogspot.com/2006/02/things-that-make-you-go-hmmmmm.html
My biggest concern was some dumb Bubba giving him a "way to go" smack on the back and re-injuring that bad wing of his. I wonder how many fans were hurt when security and his team mates walked him out of there. I saw a few get "run down" in the process.
You have to wonder if the Busch brothers would've had the same problem? I think the fans would've parted like the red sea or run THEM over as they were heading the exits!

Picture of the day...

2006-06-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

If the most well known driver in motorsports is willing to dress up like a nightstand for you; it must be love! Best of luck Jeff and Ingrid!

Good guys finish first!

2006-06-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday night (or was it Sunday morning?) Paul Menard won his first Busch race and the writers here at the SLB couldn't have been happier.

We've made our issues with Busch whackers pretty well known so it was great not only to see full-time Busch series drivers win two races in a row but great to see Paul get his first win. At home infront of his family and friends no less.

I had to crack up during his post-race interview. Paul is a pretty laid-back guy and even as happy as he was, he was still low-key about the whole thing. Excited but reserved in that cool demeanor of his, you gotta love this guy in black.

I'd personally like to thank J.J. Yeley; he should get extra points for an assist! I wonder how much his fan club membership is?

Fo'

2006-06-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

Way to go Kasey!
It was an eventful weekend for the kid, great to see him come out on top.
He doesn't seem like the same driver who couldn't get a win a couple years ago; talk about maturity. You have to wonder if Tommy Baldwin has bruises from kicking himself. Great looking ride by the way; wasn't a movie on his hood when he won in Texas?

No offense to Carl Edwards but his car was NOT the one to beat...the best car won. Even with 2 tires the kid was smokin'!

Sweet looking 8 car but if he had won the conspiracy therorists would've been out in full force!

It stunk what happened to Tony but it was great to see him under the car and hammering at that frontend...I thought for sure that he might have reinjured himself. I'd love to hear Jeff Greens explanation for that one. 66 car spotter..helloooo??
**just found this Tony interview from Foxsports.com: http://msn.foxsports.com/nascar/story/5706564

If only Chris Meyers could learn how to NOT talk over people, he must be watching The View too much. Eegads. Adam Sandler could barely get a SENTENCE in!

Rumor has it that Elliott Sadler wants to leave RYR but RYR has denied it saying that he hasn't said anything to them. Yeah, and Chip Ganassi didn't think Casey was going to leave either.

52 days until the Glen.... not that I'm counting!

Happy Father's Day!

2006-06-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

To our Dads, our Uncles who are dads, the rest of the dads in our families, Jimmie's dad, Riggsy, Hermie and the rest of the NASCAR dads.....(have I left anyone out?)

I hope you enjoy your day, even if it means cutting the lawn!

O-S-C-A-R...

2006-06-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

Our respect for Bootie Barker is well documented within this blog. Just when we thought we couldn't like him even more, he steps up to the plate and smashes yet another verbal homer into the upper-deck:

http://blog.scenedaily.com/index.php/2006/06/08/booties-on-the-money/

Rare is the prerace press release (and I can attest to this after sampling what seems like hundreds each week in helping to compile our Team Notes section in the magazine), that offers a quote containing candid criticism. With glee, though, I read this offering today from “Bootie” Barker, crew chief for the No. 66 Cup team and driver Jeff Green.
“Some of the drivers are complaining weenies,” Barker said. “These races need to be long. They should be tough on the equipment, the crews and the drivers. We’re supposed to be the best and toughest crews and drivers in this type of motorsports, so those complainers just need to suck it up and deal with it.”
Barker, you see, took issue with those that favor shortening the 500-mile tests at Pocono Raceway. And you know what? He’s right in doing so.
You can say a lot of things about the tricky triangle as it relates to the quality of racing there. Even tell me it shouldn’t have two coveted Cup dates in the span of one-and-a-half months (less than that actually) and you’ll get no argument.
Reducing the length of a race there, though, and for all the reasons Barker mentioned is wrong. And Bootie, in this case, is right.

AMEN! And people wonder why Bootie has become a media darling what with his "Bootie Call" segments on Speed News, his humor and engineering brain at-the-ready on the NASCAR Performance show (which would've died a slow, miserable death without his presence) and now a weekly article called Urban Myths on NASCAR.com

Keep it coming Bootie, we can't get enough of you!!

Picture of the day...

2006-05-31T12:39:00.000-07:00

Some crew chiefs take their jobs WAY too seriously....

Explain it to Layne...

2006-05-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

A few random and some angry observations from the All-Star weekend:
LOVED the intros. Why more teams don't dress up or throw souvenirs to the fans I don't understand. Next time guys, don't forget the fans to your right.
Was there a dry eye ANYwhere when Kyle Petty was named the driver the fans voted-in to the field? There wasn't at my house! That autographed guitar from the Peppers was a nice touch as well.
So many Roush cars in the field, I hope I can stay awake for this thing!
Where was Mark Martin's brain???? First he spins a team mate (he does know Jamie's part of his team, right?) and THEN he takes out Scott Riggs for no freakin reason.
And where was NASCAR's brain when Riggs was spinning on the track?!?!?!??! Hello genuises,..how about a caution flag???? Riggs had hands-down the BEST car in the field that night,...too bad the fools had to ruin it for him. And what's up with the no lucky dog rule? If this is a fans race, I think WE should decide the rules, don't you?
I'd personally like to thank Kasey Kahne for getting loose and taking that stupid, old prune into the wall. Not that I'm one for wrecks but I'm a fan of come-uppance! Of course, Mark was sure to verbally accost Kasey in the post-race interviews...I guess he needed something to over shadow his ignorant driving. Didn't work Mark, you were driving like a jerk and you knew it.
Well, it should make for an interesting 600....

Picture of the day

2006-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

I've heard of Love-Hate relationships, but the one between Tony Stewart and Kevin Harvick is a bit more "special" than I really need to know about! (Pardon me while I go look at something to help cleanse my mental pallet.)

Picture of the day...

2006-05-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

In a vain attempt to keep up with his idol Tony Stewart, Clint Bowyer brought his monkey down on pit road too.

WE'RE KIDDING, PACKY!!! You know we love you more than our luggage... XOXO

QUOTE OF THE YEAR (well, so far...)

2006-05-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I've been bashing the Roush dudes pretty routinely here but I will give them a tip of the hat when they deserve it. So here's the first tip..The Old Prune shows some spunk:

"In 1982 it was just a blast to race at Talladega, but in today's day and age it's hard to have fun when you know that the pin is out of the grenade. It's just a matter of time before it goes off."

Mark Martin, who finished 35th -- 88 laps down -- after being caught up in crash on Lap 9

I tried!

2006-04-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

I tried not to get myself TOO involved in this subject but it just won't go away. Last night while watching Busch qualifying I heard something said that made me have to speak about it again.

I normally agree w/Tony Stewart, or at least enjoy his opinions on things but if I had been in the Talledega pits last night and had overheard his coversation on Speed Channel, the Yankee in me would've lost it. I would have had no choice but to confront him about it because I couldn't believe what he was saying. I guess sometimes when you have to justify your actions, you don't say the most intelligent things.

I can't quote him but what I do remember was him saying that Cup drivers running the Busch series races is okay because they "have a right to work". Okay, so a guy whose present earnings (just THIS year alone mind you) are almost two million dollars needs to work another job. To me that would be like the CEO of Walmart taking a gig away from a frontdoor greeter. Or maybe a store manager because I'm sure they don't make shit for a salary either.

I took a look at Paul Menard's present earnings considering he's the highest full time Busch driver in the standings right now it's just over three hundred thousand dollars. And that's with DEI under his hood and signing his paycheck. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel bad for Paul but how about the other drivers, owners, crew chiefs, mechanics, pit guys and motorcoach drivers who work for single or double car teams who don't have the backing of DEI, Gibbs, Rousch or Hendrick. You're going to make them try and compete with multi-millionaires?!?!?

Do you think it's any coincidence that they only had 43 cars qualifying for the Busch race this week? Why would small, independant teams waste their time and money to travel to these tracks and try and compete against those big houses and earn a purse that doesn't even cover their expenses?
Okay Tony,...now's your chance, jusify THAT!

On another quick topic, I have to give a shout-out (OMG, did I actually just write shout out??) to Randy Cox. Randy has been Kenny Wallaces' crew chief this year for his Busch ride with PPC Racing. Unfortunately, per Jayski, Randy has been relieved of his duties as crew chief but will be staying at a PPC. Personally, I still don't understand why David Stremme didn'ttake Randy along with him to Cup. Those two have a great history together and it sucks to see Randy get left behind. Hopefully someone out there will see Randy's worth and put him back up on the pitbox where he belongs.

Who's your Daddy?

2006-04-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

While the other half of my brain is busy bruising their VISA in Texas, I guess I'll have to take over the Picture of the Week for this week.

I'm not a card-carrying member of the Jr-cult but even I have to admit that this is one SWEET lookin' ride. Much better than that tin-can looking thing that happy-Harvdick drives around when he's not complaining or throwing verbal daggers at the Busch brothers. (oh wait, I'M the one who verbally pimp-slaps the little Busch, sorry about that Kevin)

One topic I'll have to dicuss at a later date is the whole Busch-whacker issue. I can't get into it now because my blood pressure this week is at an all-time high and talking about something I am THAT passionate about could put me in the hospital!
I will say this, I don't think ANY Cup driver who's in the Top 20 in points should have his stupid ass running in the Busch series. I remember watching Dale Jr completely dominate the summer race at Daytona a few years back and it was freaking BORing. To those who say no one will go to the Busch races without Cup drivers in the field, you are WRONG. REAL race fans will go to it whether there are Cup drivers in it or not and if they don't,...then NASCAR needs to start marketing that series a HELL of alot better. So I'll leave it at that.
The one saving grace is that the highest driver in that series standings that runs the full Busch schedule (except for a few Cup events) is Paul Menard. If a Cup driver steals that title from him, he's gunna have ME to deal with!!

And on a final note. Shrub, you shouldn't insult drivers who enjoy the attention of "pit lizards". If you didn't have the cash you do in the bank that pretty brunette you pay to have on your arm each weekend would be fucking your pit crew instead of your ugly ass. 'Nuff said.

Deep in the heart of Texas

2006-04-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

I wax nostalgic every time the April race in Texas rolls around. I was fortunate enough to attend that race back in 2002 and although the main event was rained out Sunday and run Monday, although the track is in the middle of NOwhere and although the traffic getting out is ridiculous, it was a memorable time and makes me enjoy watching the event every year since.

A few random thoughts about yesterday:

The anthem was AMAZING. Hands-down the best this year. I got to see Little Big Town open for Keith Urban this past fall and they did not disappoint with their remdition. Proud of 'em. Sang it quick and straight.

I have no real opinion on the president giving the command to start engines. He's pretty good at reading cue cards, and that's all I'll say about him.

I didn't feel bad in the LEAST seeing Keebler spin the Bug-eyed-dummy into the wall. My disgust of the Roush team is pretty well documented and seeing one jackass spin another is usually the highlight of the day for me. The best part is after BED's girlfriend smacked her water bottle down in disgust she toed her stupid ass down to Keebler's pit and allegedly had some words for the blonde on the #2 cars pitbox w/the huge rock on her hand. I bet it was quite an intellectual conversation.

Looks like the problems on the 38 team last year had nothing to do with their crew chief. (Poor Tommy Baldwin) I have to laugh at RYR and their issue-solving skills. DJ's gone through crew chiefs like Beccy Gordon goes through drivers and they still can't get the shit corrected. Let me give you a hint Robert...maybe it's the DRIVERS??

Ryan Newman is a man of few words but his post-wreck interviews are as funny as any interview of Tony's. "I'm pretty sure Sterling Marlin's hair piece just got in his eyes and he couldn't see what was going on". Let's take a vote; whose rug is worse? His or Spencer's bouffant? (see pic below)

Nice to see Kasey Kahne in victory lane again. I repeat; poor Tommy Baldwin.

Both of my favorite drivers finished in 7th this weekend. I didn't get to see the Busch race but Scott Riggs' run yesterday was pretty fucking impressive. Evernham had two of their three cars really dialed in. I'm sure that 10 driver was disappointed as hell but it shows how freaking important qualifying is sometimes. Damn it!

Hoppy Easter everybody!

Picture of the day

2006-04-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

"WATCH THE RUG!!!!!"

Have a Coke and a smile, Spencer... couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

WHY I AUGHTA'!!!

2006-03-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going to go against the norm today and talk about a subject that has been beaten to death this week but myself and my fellow blog-writer found it SO utterly wonderful that there is no way to ignore it.
The issue I'm speaking of is Jeff "the Goon" Gordon trying to level Matt "the Brat" Kenseth on pit road.
What can I say, to me it was the highlight in an otherwise semi-snorer of a race complete with whiney Roushkateers and Kevin Harvick doing his best to get on the front page any way he can considering he hasn't driven for shit this year (That's really tough of Harvdick to take on a guy who's about the size of a pipe cleaner).

I like Jeff, I admit it. When I was a new fan to the sport I wouldn't think I would. Personally, I wasn't sure if it was SAFE to like him. I didn't know alot about NASCAR but one thing I did know was the amount of hatred geared at the guy. When people would ask me "Are you a Jeff Gordon fan?" my response would be a quick and deliberate "NO". I'm not afraid anymore. Granted, I don't consider myself a "fan" of his anyway. Fan is short for fanatic and I'm not fanatical about anybody (except maybe Bootie Barker but that's a story for another time!) .

As my knowledge of NASCAR grew I kept an eye on the guy in the Dupont uni. Seemed like a nice enough dude; clean-cut, well spoken and was winning every race in sight. So why did people hate him so much? Is it because, as Jeff Foxworthy put it, he enunciates? Is it because he wasn't born and raised below the Manson-Nixon line?
It has to be because he's a winner. Our society loves nothing more than to take someone successful and beat them down in order to make ourselves feel better. Personally, I think ANY NASCAR fan who had a moment to be in his presence wouldn't scoff at him. It's easy to boo from the stands but unless you're a drunken, stupid baffoon, you wouldn't get in his grill when near him. Most likely you'd be fishing in your clear backpack for a Sharpie and a piece of paper.

The thing is, Jeff is probably the most approachable star at the track. I don't mean semi-star... I mean MAJOR star. Dale Jr. is surrounded by guards and entourages, Jimmie Johnson rarely peeks his head out other than to run to his car and Matt Kenseth; I hate to break it to you but the guy is about as friendly on race weekend as a skunk with a hemorrhoid!

I've met Jeff numerous times and have never been brushed off, ignored or pushed aside. If ANYONE has the right to be a dick, it's Jeff and he's anything but.
So seeing him with his helmet on shock the shit out of Matt-Brat with that shove was something DREAMS are made of. Jeffy being un-PC and un-Brian France-NASCAR like and giving it to him.

Note to The Brat: Jeff was seen a couple days later at a New York Rangers game at Madison Square Garden. Look out! He may be getting some tips from guys who can brawl on skates (and I'm sure they can show him how to get his helmet off in two clicks).

I'm in your corner Jeff. DING, DING, DING!

A somber reminder

2006-03-26T14:29:00.000-08:00

"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. "
-Scottish Proverb

Indy Racing League rookie Paul Dana died today in an accident at Homestead Speedway in Miami. While not as well known as his pulchritudinous teammate Danica Patrick, Dana was a grassroots favorite with the media. Educated at Northwestern University, Dana was a motorsports journalist who had been bitten by the racing bug. When he landed a ride with the high profile team of Rahal Letterman Racing for the 2006 season, it looked like Dana was actually going to make his dream of a full time racing career a reality. Until today.

Many in the news media have compared today's events to the untimely death of Dale Earnhardt in 2001, however, this reminds me of something different.

It was October 9, 2002. I was in Charlotte for the weekend for the UAW-GM Quality 500 at Lowe's Motor Speedway. I emerged from our hotel to hear the sweet sound of those Chevrolets, Dodges, and Fords roaring around the track during morning ARCA practice. We had planned to attend a charity event in Sherrills Ford that Michael Waltrip was hosting, so that sound in the distance was as close as I was going to get to the track. However, as I would learn later, I should be grateful I was in Sherrills Ford on that day.

Midway through ARCA practice, Eric Martin, a driver from Hixson, Tennessee, made contact with the outside wall and had slid down the track. When his car came to a stop at the bottom of the track, Deborah Renshaw came off of four and broadsided Martin's car. He was killed instantly.

Since Martin's death, the sanctioning body now requires spotters to be in the spotter's stands above the track during practices, an important safety change that was desperately needed.

It is not lost on me how horrible it was for a 33 year old married father of two young children to lose his life so tragically. But the thing is that Eric Martin died doing what he loved, and there has to be a certain respect for that.

Fate is a cruel mistress, and sometimes she reminds us that we must live our lives as though we are on our last day. Paul Dana was pursuing his dream, and died doing what he loved. That, my friends, is truly living.

Our heartfelt condolences to the Dana family and Rahal Letterman Racing.

WWBFD?

2006-03-15T17:33:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that the administrative antics of Brian France drive me nuts. So I decided it was time to take a peek inside that diabolical mind that is running NASCAR's heritage into the ground and ask... What would Brian France do?

Top Ten Things on Brian France's "To Do" List:

1. Replace campgrounds around the speedways with golf courses

2. Call in bomb threats to Bristol and Richmond to move their races to California

3. Appoint Tony Stewart as Director of Media Relations

4. Four words... California Restrictor Plate Track

5. Implement use of "Applause-O-Meter" to determine the race winner

6. Ban beer from races in favor of mimosas and wine spritzers

7. Move the Awards Banquet to Hollywood, with entertainment by Clay Aiken

8. Turkey legs to be replaced by assorted brie and cracker trays

9. Divert all funding from R&D to the Dale Earnhardt Jr. cloning project

10. Relinquish control of the sanctioning body to the United Arab Emirates

Wake me up when it's over

2006-03-13T13:48:00.000-08:00

So what excitement did NASCAR have in store for us this past weekend? Another snoozer of a race. The only interesting part was the last lap. Thank you JJ for pulling off that win instead of leaving it for one of the hum-drum foursome. (sorry, I still can't seem to put McMurray into the Roush camp...maybe somehow the rest of them will suck his personality right out of his brainstem)
A few random thoughts:
I saw Kurt Busch on Trackside and I want to know where he got his personality transplant. He's still painful to look at but he was practically charming!
Poor Bootie Barker. That show NASCAR Performance is about as interesting as a hang-nail. Even HE seemed dis-interested this week.
The anthem wasn't as bad as usual but the best part of pre-race was the camera shot from the Thunderbirds flying overhead.
And the quote of the weekend goes to Tony Stewart. Speaking about his run-in w/that jackass Kyle Busch. "You know how I get sometimes. Sometimes it's an advantage when I get this pissed off." Yeah, last time it only won you a championship!

Well, here's hoping that getting back to the east coast will somehow get the season out of it's early hybernation. Where's the Red Bull car when we need it?

Picture of the YEAR!

2006-03-10T05:26:00.000-08:00

We couldn't help but wonder... did Matt Kenseth send this to Tony after Daytona?
WE LOVE YA, SMOKE!

Mexi-NO!

2006-03-05T05:14:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that it is written in Brian France's job description that he must do everything in his power to piss me off.

The Busch Series is running in Mexico City today at a road course not unlike Sears Point or our beloved Watkins Glen. Thus, the inevitable question has arisen: when will the Nextel Cup race in Mexico City?

Although France indicated a couple of weeks ago that Nextel Cup isn't going to Mexico City in the near future, you know he can smell the money to be made and the opportunity to alienate the core fans even further.

Anyone who has been to a race has seen the average NASCAR fan, and let me assure you, they aren't sitting by that camper having afternoon tea and cucumber sandwiches. They're barbecuing and drinking Bud Light. Some of these people save up an entire year to attend one of these events, which are becoming increasingly expensive to attend. France's bottomless lust for money is making NASCAR downright unaffordable to its core fans, and I can't help but wonder if this is his way of cleansing NASCAR of its lowbrow contingent.

Another aspect that France obviously doesn't give a damn about is the financial toll this kind of expansion will take on the teams. Once again, France seeks to weed out the smaller teams with lesser funding in favor of the powerhouse teams with full coffers. In his mind, bigger teams bring bigger R&D budgets, bring bigger talent, ultimately bringing bigger advertising dollars into his pocket. Either that, or France gets some twisted amusement out of watching the poor hauler drivers deal with the U.S. Border patrol. Let's not forget the Mexican "Police" and their interpretation of law and order. I've heard some very interesting stories about these folks from my dad from his Baja days, and it would seem it pays to avoid the Mexican pork at all costs. So it makes perfect sense to send millions of dollars of equipment into a third world country. I'm sure they don't stand out as targets to the banditos.

It is said that genuine wisdom lies is knowing one's limitations, so if this is true, Brian France is the dumbest man on the planet. You're fucking up NASCAR, Brian. Go to the NFL, for the love of God, before this great racing series becomes unrecognizable. I think T.O. is just your speed!

And another thing... fuck California Speedway... Hollywood's taste is fickle at best and ultimately doesn't give a shit about NASCAR. Bring back Rockingham and bring back the Labor Day weekend Southern 500 to Darlington. Bring back the NASCAR we knew and loved.

Picture of the day

2006-03-02T11:36:00.000-08:00

Normally I'd be bitching about how NASCAR drivers seem to wear the ugliest sunglasses. I know Jamie Mac had a habit last year of wearing nasty looking ones on purpose. (maybe it helped sales, who knows)
What's worse is they seem to wear them on race day so when the camera pans by..EEGADS!! They must all have a contract with their sunglass sponsor saying that they will wear them when they're the MOST visible. Which I understand; there are more people at the track on Sundays and there are more people watching on the tube on Sundays. Just pick a good looking pair, that's all I ask.
In the case of this picture, considering the subject matter...it's too fucking bad that the specs weren't BIGGER: Say the size of a satellite dish!!!

The Brat and the rest of the Roush rats

2006-02-27T09:29:00.000-08:00

How appropriate that Matt The Brat won at California Speedway. Of what I heard, it was the most boring race I've never watched.

Of course, there was that rousing pre-race concert by Jewel. Excuse me but what the fuck does Jewel have to do with NASCAR? Does she rock? No. Is she country? LAWD no! Obviously she licks someone's helmet and the next thing you know race fans have to suffer through 10 minutes of her bullshit until the Green flag. (which is about as enjoyable as typhoid and hurricanes) Oh wait, but there was MORE!

Fantasia Buritto's rousing remdition of our National Anthem. She was great on Idol but why is she at a race track? In my opinion if you can't name a driver other than Jeff Gordon or Dale Jr than you shouldn't be allowed in the freaking door. You're just taking up space where someone who actually LOVES the sport could be standing. And don't even get me started on Nick Lachey being there, at least he wasn't stupid enough to sing.

Getting back to my original point (yes there was a point to this); it's incredibly appropriate that The Brat and his lame cast of team mates had the hat trick at Cali. Why? Because it's fucking boring and so are they. Matt wields his post-race venom, which is as deadly as a 3 year old with blunt scissors. I have all the respect in the world for the human prune, Mark Martin, but he's not exactly rum raisin in the world of ice cream. Greg Biffle, the hiliariously named Bug Eyed Dummy-thanks to Sterling "Rug Doctor" Marlin- isn't quite an exciting person to talk to either. Carl Edwards, the "aww shucks" attitude was cute at first but how many times can you listen to someone say how happy they are just to be there before it becomes a moot point? Just take your shirt off Carl and I'll be happy.

The saving grace on that team has to be Jamie McMurray. For one, any guy that Matt Kenseth hates has to be a decent human being. At least he doesn't stick his nose in the air and act like he's deaf when you approach him in the garage. Yeah, he hangs with Elliott "I never met a mirror I didn't like" Sadler, but he's one of the few single dudes on the circuit who he can go out cruising chicks openly with. Jamie's a good kid, a VERY talented driver, nice to look at, and what's best is you don't tend to nod off when you're talking to him; like his team mates. He has something to say and he'll make you laugh at the same time.

I never thought I'd hear myself say this but I wouldn't mind a few more Tony Stewart-like folks in the series! Someone has to keep the fans awake!

If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'

2006-02-20T04:57:00.000-08:00

So the 2006 Daytona 500 is in the record books and now we can get on to the normally insane NASCAR schedule without all the pageantry, drama and more importantly; annoying celebrities who have no interest in racing other than some shameless self promotion.

Here are some random observations from yesterday:

If I wasn't a fan of Bon Jovi I think that whole pre-race concert thing would've irritated the fuck out of me. It was nice seeing Mikey, Macey and DJ in the audience but someone should tell Teresa Earnhardt to stay far away from anything doing with music. The bitch couldn't even clap in time. No wonder she didn't want Jr dabbling in the music business; it would've confused the heck out of her and I'm sure she didn't want him getting into anything she doesn't understand or have a hand in herself.

The best commercial I've seen so far HAS to be the toast at dinner with Jeff, Jimmie, Jr and Tony. They had to have a BLAST making that, I'd love to see the out-takes! (the "NEWMAN" Gillette commercial is a close second)

About half-way into the race I see the Ken Schrader driven machine in 7th place and the announcers have made NO mention of it. Maybe they need to send a case of Little Debbie's up to the booth so they can get some freakin air time!

Once again Kyle Busch has to open his stupid cake-hole and blame everyone but himself for the bone-headed mistakes he made on the track. I'm starting to see something else that runs in his family besides blaring ugliness; the lack of taking responsibility when you're a complete and utter jackass.

On the flip side; Carl Edwards and Jamie Mac fessed up to their mistakes and probably maned-up and went to see the people who took the brunt of their errors face-to-face. Granted, those two are in the gym almost every week day so they don't have much to fear in the way of physical confrontations!

Tony Stewart's post-race interviews are about as entertaining as a monkey on ice skates. You can always count on smoke to vent his frustrations to the cameras. Personally I think he's gunna need a blood pressure check seeing how he's already so hot and it's only week 1 of the season. Here's hoping his ribs heal quicker so he can get to the gym and picture Kenseth's mug on the heavy bag while he pounds it to a frazzle.

Was it me or was Jeff Gordon's smile as big as it was in Victory Lane last year? There's no better team mate than that man.

Another guy who seemed to have a VL smile was Ryan Newman. Granted, if Kurt Busch hadn't wrecked I don't think anyone could've touched him.

Dang that camera man who just missed catching Jeff Green and Dale Jarrett in each others faces. Cage match anyone?!?!

Say what you want about Jimmie Johnson and his team being cheaters but he proved my pre-race "first time winner" prediction was correct. Congrats to you, Chad and your substitute crew chief.
And finally, I think I've thought of a way to get rid of all these self-absorbed celebrity singers who totally brutalize and butcher the anthem each week. Do what the NHL has been doing for YEARS; have open tryouts for the job. They could call it Redneck Idol!

Wonder Twin powers... ACTIVATE!!!

2006-02-17T12:21:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how much Jeff Burton and Clint Bowyer look alike? That must confuse the hell out of Richard Childress.

Hard into the wall: what the hell happened to Elliott Sadler?

2006-02-14T17:13:00.000-08:00

"Boy, you makin' me look bad! Get a damn haircut and take a bath!"

We've always been the ones who cheer for the little guys and the underdogs. Years ago, we were Elliott Sadler fans before anyone knew there was an Elliott Sadler. Long before all the bandwagon jumpers, we cheered our hearts out for the sweet guy from Emporia, Virginia who had a foot made of lead and a heart made of gold. A guy who treated his fans like family and seemed just happy to be there. His 2001 win at Bristol was nothing short of balls-out determination and a whole lotta heart. One of the greatest moments of racing in the 2002 season was his second place finish in the Daytona 500 (thanks in no small part to Sterling Marlin climbing out of his car during a red flag to 'look at' his right fender), which helped solidify the deal for his segue into the 38 car at RYR. When we heard of his deal for the 2003 season, we were thrilled. Finally, the underdog makes good. Little did we know, this was the beginning of the end of the Elliott Sadler we had come to love.

Anyone who's been to Emporia, Virginia, can see that it's the kind of town where everyone knows each other or at least something about each other. Everywhere you look, there are businesses with the Sadler name on them: Sadler Travel Plaza, Sadler Chevrolet, Sadler Oil Company. There isn't much room to hide in ten square miles, and there are even fewer places to hide if your last name is Sadler. Elliott Sadler grew up there, and seemed to relish the small town life in all of its glory. But the bright lights of Charlotte must have looked pretty good, and undoubtedly changed the small town boy into something that barely resembles his former self. And to that end Elliott, you are definitely not yourself.

We can trace the change back to Elliott's inaugural season in the 38 M&Ms Ford. It must have been a hard transition for Elliott to go from the small time Wood Brothers team to a powerhouse like Robert Yates Racing. And to have a veteran teammate and former Winston Cup champion like Dale Jarrett must have been a little intimidating. But Elliott perservered through fervent sponsor demands, the critics and naysayers predicting that he'd choke, the pressure to succeed and to be all things to all people. These things have clearly and visibly taken their toll on Elliott.

Since the beginning of the 2003 season, Elliott's usual down to earth demeanor started to deteriorate into moodiness and irritability. Often times when people have approached him in what are supposed to be fan friendly environments, he is aloof and acts as though he does not want to be there. In all honesty, we've seen his fans, and some of them are downright frightening, so we guess we can't blame him too much for having that attitude.

Elliott has noticeably let his appearance go to the point that he looks like a slob and, let's face it...fairly miserable. There has been a very marked degradation in the way he looks within a relatively short period of time.

In this picture from Bristol in 2002, Elliott looks great and has that "I'm just happy to be here" expression about him. However, by Texas in 2004, although he still looks pretty good, that smile is gone. By the time Speedweeks roll around in Daytona in 2005, he really looks like hell.

It looks to us like the pressure of being with in a high profile ride has not been easy for Elliott Sadler, and it is starting to take its toll in a very big way. His attitude is alienating his long standing tried and true fans, and the bandwagon jumpers will only be there as long as he is doing well.

Elliott, we miss the old you and we want you back. Please learn a lesson from Tony Stewart. Move back to Emporia and stay away from the glare of Charlotte. It's not who you are.

Oh yeah... and take a bath and get a haircut so Ward Burton doesn't mistake you for Bigfoot and take a shot at you, OK?

Bill Weber needs a haircut

2006-02-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I'm even infecting this blog with a picture of this idiot but the look on his face is about as pathetic as his driving was yesterday during the Bud Shootout. So it seemed appropriate.

Observations from the weekend:

Bill Weber needs a clip. Long hair is for country singers and guys under the age of 30. Hopefully he hasn't joined the Elliott Sadler school of bad grooming.

Kyle Busch is a monumental jackass. Here's the deal Shrub, get a freakin spotter and stop taking left-hand turns infront of the field. I don't care if your arm falls off from waving it because you want to pit...you don't come down like that. I wish Tony had punted your stupid ass up the track. (I'm sure he thought about it)

Nice work 31 team. Couldn't be happier to see Jeff Burton on the pole. Gives him something else to talk about other than when Ward will be driving again.

Sweet job 15 team. I have to admit it, I was beside myself seeing Paul Menard the quickest of the DEI cars in qualifying. Yeah, it probably won't mean much come Thursday or Sunday but it gave me something to smile about.

Thank you Michael Waltrip (did I just say that outloud) for helping Hermie Sadler out. Whatever you and RYR did helped secure him a spot for the 500 and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

What was up with Matt Kenseth's white car? That thing would've disappeared if the Shootout were run at night. Hmmm...maybe that was the idea?

Good for you Carl Edwards for speaking your mind when NASCAR said you had to serve a drive-through penalty. Crap call if you ask me and I've seen the tape three times. Just because they run it doesn't make a bad call right. Stand your ground kiddo.

And finally would someone PLEASE give the anthem singers a freaking time limit?!?!?!

Top Ten Crew Chiefs of 2006

2006-02-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

NASCAR fans make such a fuss over the drivers and we think it's reached the point of ridiculousness. The waffle bellies stand next to the garage fence all day in the blistering sun... hoping for a fleeting glimpse of Junior's second cousin twice removed so they might get a blurry picture or perhaps if they're lucky, an illegible autograph. If they had a brain in their heads, they would pay attention to some of the guys who make this great sport happen... the crew chiefs.

So let's show some love for our favorites:

#10 Stewart Cooper - #27 Kleenex Ford (Busch series)
At 27 years old, Stewart Cooper is one of the youngest crew chiefs on the Busch circuit. During his tenure, Stewart has lead the 27 team three consecutive years of a top ten finishes in Busch Championship standings. With a start like that, we expect a lot of great things from this guy in the future.

#9 Richard "Slugger" Labbe - #88 UPS Ford
Let's face it... anyone with a cool nickname like this and who can put up with Michael Waltrip's shit for any measure of time deserves some recognition. We love ya, Slugger!

p.s. - thanks for busting our asses over that picture of you and Tommy from the press conference. For the record, we really don't have too much free time, but we always make time to rag on you guys.

#8 Greg Zipadelli - #20 Home Depot Chevrolet
Tony Stewart owes a tremendous debt to the patience of this man. If it hadn't been for Zippy's dedication to the team and possible dispensing of horse tranquilizers into Tony's water bottle, he would not be where he is today. Zippy deserves more than a Corvette... he deserves sainthood.

#7 Jimmy Elledge - #41 Target Dodge
Mr. Kelley Earnhardt comes in at lucky number 7. No good reason, we just like ragging on him. OK seriously, Jimmy did a great job of bringing Casey Mears along in his sophomore season, and he is starting to find his feet in Cup racing. We think we can expect great things from Casey this year in the 42 car with Donnie Wingo, and he has Jimmy to thank for a lot of that.

#6 Chad Knaus - #48 Lowe's Chevrolet
Under Chad's leadership, Jimmie Johnson has finished second in Cup standings back to back, and is poised to be a serious contender for the championship in 2006. Now if he could just manage not to get suspended again.

#5 Rodney Childers - #10 Valvoline Dodge
Note: We can't find a decent picture of Rodney, so this picture of Randy "Macho Man" Savage will have to do. We know you're like that on the inside, Rodney.

With the recent move over to Evernham Motorsports, 2006 is a make or break year for Scott Riggs and Rodney Childers. Scott has tremendous potential, and Rodney is key to that equation.

#4 Randy Cox - #22 AutoZone Ford (Busch series)
David Stremme emerged as a contender in the Busch series under the guidance of Randy Cox, and subsequently landed a ride with Ganassi in the #40 Coors Light Dodge. Although we know that Coors wanted a younger good looking guy with REAL hair, we'd like to think that David owes some of his success to Randy. Good luck this year, Randy... just make sure Kenny Wallace takes his ritalin, OK?

#3 Matt Borland - #12 Alltel Dodge
With a degree in mechanical engineering from General Motors Institute, this guy has got brains to spare. The smaller carburetor strategy of the 2004 season was nothing short of genius, and proved that contrary to popular garage opinion, bigger isn't always better. We love it when the geeks prevail... keep talking nerdy to us, Matt!

#2 Tommy Baldwin - #38 M&Ms Ford
We love a man who's got a fiery temper and is willing to give a good fight for what he feels is right. Tommy's 2003 visit to the 20 pit stall and subsequent dragging away while kicking and screaming in Chicagoland was one of the best moments of that season. Not to mention his previous resignation from Bill Davis Racing, which by most accounts, involved throwing things. We were really sorry to see Tommy leave Evernham's 9 team after the 2005 season, because it looked like he was a good influence on Kasey Kahne's driver development. But apparently he decided he'd be better at influencing Elliott Sadler to embrace good hygiene again. Well, at least he'll do some good.

#1 Robert "Bootie" Barker - #66 Best Buy Chevrolet
Bootie has been a hero of ours ever since witnessing him verbally ass whip his crew for being slackers during the 2005 race at Watkins Glen. We think his words say it all:

"If you don't want to be here, then stay the fuck home. I don't care."

We've never seen a group of guys stare at their shoes so hard! Note to self... don't screw with Mr. Barker!

Daytona's right around the corner, boys... let's have at it!

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm..."

2006-02-07T05:19:00.000-08:00

With the 2006 NASCAR season almost upon us, a few questions popped into my head:

1-Would Paul Menard get more attention if he was also a "Jr"?
2-Who will be more irritating of an announcer; DW or Crusty the Clown? (my money's on Crusty)
3-How long will it take until Ryan Newman pounds Keebler Busch into a fine pulp during a Penske team meeting?
4-When will M&M's drop Eskwatch Sadler because of his lack of manscaping abilities and will Animal Planet in turn pick him up?
5-Who will Michael Waltrip draft with?
6-Will Tony Stewart have lost enough weight to climb OVER the fence at Indy and stage-dive into the fan-filled mosh pit?

I have to wonder.....